Thanks to Ming Yi for sharing this :)

I believe…

that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe…

that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I believe…

that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe…

that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe…

that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe…
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I believe…
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I believe…
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I believe…
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe…
that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I believe…
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe…
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I believe…
that you shouldn’t be eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe…
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe…
that you should always leave loved ones with loving well wishes. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe…
that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I believe…
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe…
that we don’t have to change friends, if we understand that friends change.

I believe…
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe…
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe…
that you either control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe…
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, that passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe…
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe…
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe…
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe…
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe…
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones who help you get back up.


Source: http://dotconnectorblog.com/wisdom-wall-jimmy-johns/

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i NEED a brain washer + heart washer!!!

I don't wanna remember people whom I shouldn't remember or miss. I don't wanna think of them any more. I don't wanna keep their images in my brain and heart. I wish I never met them. If I could have chosen, I would have chosen to go a different way. I would have chosen to be in a different school. I would have refused when my mom tried to make me enrolling into that school. I would have chosen to be in a different class. I would have done anything I could to stop myself from the eternal pain I am having!!!

How could one be so mean to me while I am so serious and sincere in every way? Someone please help me understand ... Is this supposed to be another lesson in life that I gotta learn by myself???

I feel like being played with, being surrounded, trapped, confused, even used somehow!!! I was born a strong fighter, how could I be so weak now???

This is not me!!! No, it's not!! It must be a miserable soul that was trapped in my body. That boy might be irresistible to you, poor little soul, but to me he ain't that important now that I have analysed everything. So please release me from this pain you are creating to both of us! It's been 11 years, ain't this time the right time to let go off everything in the past???!!!

I'm scared by the thought of being used to satisfy a selfish person's need!!! I'm scared by the thought of people coming to me because they want something from me!!! It's horrible to think about the existence of fake friendliness that people are showing because I can bring some mental or physical benefits to them!!!

Things have turned out to be negative for me at the moment. I'm disgusted by the sudden change in level of closeness that people are sending out to me. They can be so damn easy and they can talk about EVERYTHING to me. Then suddenly, they turn 180 degrees and being cold ass(es). I can't stand that, maybe it's because I AM NOT LIKE THAT!!!

Oh well, what can I say, life is full of surprises. Let's think of each surprise as a gift! I'm thankful for knowing more things than yesterday, no matter what it is that I just discovered! At the end of the day, I will be smiling my most beautiful smile which could shatter anyone's heart. Haha! I think I'm being too positive now I can be paranoid!!!

Sad opening, but happy ending, that's not bad for a post hey?! :)

Toodles,
xoxo
Rita

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It's been so long since I abandoned this blog and I'm making an official come back now. This blog has been so faithfully waiting for me and never complained about anything (cuz it can't lol). As a matter of fact, I'm more active when I'm sad. I don't share many happy moments here but I pour most of my depressing thoughts and stressful feelings all over this blog. Such an emo blogger lol :)

Never mind the previous entry I posted a few days ago, I've been good so far. Just so you know, my schedule is less packed now. I mostly spend my time at a strip club - my work place :D. Earning money is hard, earning lotsa money is even harder. But it's good. I'm literally supporting myself now. My mom is such a lucky woman and I really hope she knows + appreciates that xD

I wanna fill my spare time with dancing classes. But I'm still deciding what style to learn. Hip hop/jazz funk/street dance would be so normal now. I've tried pole dancing. It was great, I absolutely love it, but I don't have a pole at home (yea I know, I've been blabbing about my plan of buying a 50mm x-pole but I'm just too lazy for that now. Besides, there's no room in my room lol, get it?). Plus, even if I am a master at pole dancing, I can't simply take videos and show off right?! The reasons? Well, in case you don't know, pole dancers wear bikini and platform heels (sometimes gogo boots) cuz otherwise, it will be very hard to climb onto the pole and "stick" urself on it.

I know not many people would wanna see me in bikini and heels like Carmen Electra in the pic above =="

Or, I can go back to Karate class!!! Hmm...urrgghhh...pls...NO!!! I'm a lazy bitch for that stuff!!! I'd rather use my pepper spray hahaha!!! Besides, I think Yellow Belt is good enough. Guys, it's just colours, no need to trip over it!!! I'm pretty sure black belts are sold everywhere with affordable price LOL >:D \m/

So yea, basically you can see I'm in a dilemma now, not knowing what to do haha. Suggestions would be great :)

Okay, it looks like my coming-back-post is long enough now *yawn*. I just came back from work, with lotsa thoughts in my head, but I will keep them to myself lol. All I need right now is a good sleep, then hopefully when I wake up, everything will be brighter and I will feel better. I'm always a cool player, no matter what situation I am in :)

Love y'all,
xoxo
Rita

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You are my first biggest crush! You have been in my heart for 11 years! How to forget you now when your image takes such a huge space in my heart?

I never knew you liked me too, back then when we were kids. I always thought you are the ONLY boy I liked but never liked me back. Now I know the truth, I am in bigger pain than ever. I wish I never knew your feeling towards me. It only makes the scar grow bigger!!!

We have our own lives now. There's nothing we can do or want to do. I'm sure you're satisfied with what you're having and you won't throw everything away to be with me. I would do the same thing. Life goes on, we move on! I am still carrying your image in my heart!

If someone knows exactly how deeply sad I am right now, that would be ME only. Maybe I owed you something really big last life, this life I have to pay back!

Sad songs don't help me overcome my sadness, they stir my feelings up and leave me high and dry with a huge mess of questions, regrets, tears, hopelessness... I really miss you!!!

It's funny how cruel the reality is! Maybe that adds a little taste to life? Being together ain't always good things. Maybe being how we are right now is the thrill of living. To me, it's more like painful thrill. But it's okay, I have been accepting it for 11 years, another 80 years (hope I can live till 100 years old) won't hurt anyone, especially me. No matter how big the pain I am in, I am assumed to be okay after all. As long as no one is hurt, me being hurt won't bother you!

Because...

Who am I actually? I am in fact a very small part of your life. Suddenly you added some slight importance to my position by saying you liked me too. But still, I am not that important afterward. When you already stopped thinking of me and moved on with your life, you're still on my mind, I still tried to look for you. Come to think of it, I loved you, but what you felt about me was just a childish feeling which could evaporate in a few hours.

I should stop loving you! I shouldn't be sad by just a thought about you! You're right when you make it sound like you're a huge part of my life, that I always miss you and wanna chat with you. I don't deny it but I will try my best, best of my best, even when it takes 10 or 20 years, to stop loving you! Don't laugh at me when I say I miss you, because while saying so, I am also trying to set everything in me come back to normal, just like when I haven't met you.

I love you for being who you are! But I hate you for being so mean to me!

xoxo
Rita

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Airport is a place where you can cry with strangers, knowing the reason for doing so without exchanging words. Seeing your beloved ones go away from you is a very sad experience, at least to me today.

Sometimes I scold myself what's the point of being sad. I mean, why should I be sad at the first place? It's not like he's gone to suffer or anything like that. He's having fun and eventually he will come back.

But still, it was a sad experience. The feeling was like a ball alike thing which kept rolling up and down my throat that made me find it's hard to breath like normal. I kept thinking of all kinds of things I found funny to calm myself down. I tried so hard to hold my tears inside and smiled as often as possible because I want him to remember my happy face. And when the image of his body faded gradually among the crowd of people entering the departure gate, I burst to tears like a child whose toys being taken away. It's silly I know, but it's hard to control.

Anyway, I don't know how to spend my X'mas and New Year holiday, when no one is around me. Maybe sleeping is the best thing I should do since when holiday's over, I will miss it soo much.

Rita
19th Dec 2009

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Hi guys, I am at Uni at the moment.
Sorry for being so inactive these days.
I only have 10 mins to update my blog.
As you can see, I am very busy at the moment, trying to organize between studying and working.

Just wanna let you know I am still alive.
Life's been great so far.
Love's great too.
Money's ok ok larh :)

That's all for now.

Love you, ciao!

Rita

xoxo

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As promised, I will update y'all on what's going on so far :)

I've been in Sydney for a month now. Time passes so fast eh?! Didn't really have time to catch a breath and enjoy life. But from now on, I will try to slow down. I say I will TRY!!!

Well actually I know the reason why I haven't been enjoying as I should have. It's just financial problem, again!!! I have no idea why but I guess the best answer would be I have been over-spending these days *sigh*. I can see money has been flying out from my pocket . Seriously, MONEY DOES FLY!!! T___T"

And I supposed you already knew what the outcome was. Yes I go to work, not that I am complaining though. I like earning money, paying the bills myself. I feel pity for my mom who is working so bloody hard in VietNam to earn $$$ for my uni fee here. I mean she's there ALL BY HERSELF, without any support from anyone, not even my father. I owe her a lot and I don't wanna bring too much trouble to her. Even when I was sick, I never told her and lied that I was sleeping whenever she called so that she wouldn't notice I was unwell. I always try to sound as happy and at my best when I am on the phone with her.

I now have one and only goal at the moment. I will try to stay in OZ and bring my beloved family members here. We've been separating for too long that I couldn't remember how many year it has been. One is always in Vietnam, one is in Hong Kong and another one, which is me, has been travelling from Singapore to Malaysia and now in Australia. That's seriously sad and I seriously do feel lonely when I realise that I've been alone, especially when I need support the most. Life has taught me to be an independent, strong and tough girl!

Ok anyway, I've been typing enough about my personal issue. Actually I didn't intend to type about it also. Sheesh, why am I always going off topic whenever I blog???!!! ==" I should talk about my daily life now.

I, at first, worked at a club called Bada Bing at KingCross, a place where you can find many night clubs and adult shops (I like!!! Cuz that's where I normally shop for shoes LOL ). But I quit working there because honestly it's too complicated!!! It's full of shit and craps. There are many types and layers of people you can find there and it's worse than a street market. And heck, they don't even pay me hourly to work there. It's commission based. So basically, they don't care about their employees. They can have up to 20 waitresses in a small room, believe it or not?! And we, generally, had to compete with each other to serve enough drinks. That's totally insane!!! No surprise that I quit right? I have no idea why there are a few girls who have been working there for 6 months already. I mean, they are too lazy to find other jobs or they don't know better jobs exist or what?! =="

About my new job. I can't complain about it. It's totally cool. Just like my old job in Brisbane. The only different is I was a bartender and now I am a waitress. But that's alright, I am cool with what I am doing. I am now paid hourly, happy to work in a classy club where most of the customers are business men. And everyone has been very nice to me. Well, actually, there's only 1 girl who is quite bitchy to me. I've no idea why this type of people are everywhere. It's like they never leave me alone. Pffft. But it's okay, I am used to it =="

Now I am working on Monday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday. I am happy to be rostered for more shifts because that means I earn more $$$. LOL, who doesn't want more money??? I now love Wednesday because that's when I check my bank account and see a bigger amount of money in it. . Life's been good to me so far!!! :)

I will start my new semester in about 2 weeks. Wonder what it will be like. Probably not easy to swallow. More over, it's an express year. I think I am fated with everything that's express. I used to be in an express foundation year and now express 1st year of uni. Great!!! ==" Express course ain't easy you know?! It means same amount of work, subjects, assignments, etc. but less time to finish.

But after all,

I WILL SURVIVE!!!

I've always been surviving, I will be surviving, LOL. What am I talking about? It's only studying, not going to the war field or anything. My mom would scold me if she knew what I am typing LOL . Yes, it's only studying. I will be okay!!!

I have no idea why every time a new uni semester starts, I always feel like X'mas is near?! Yes I want X'mas. Santa Claus is coming to town :)

I guess that should be all for now. I really wanna hang out with friends but sorry I am fully booked from now till end of weekend. I will try to find some free time for y'all yea!!!

Love,

Rita
xoxo

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Pheew, finally, I quit my job!!!!

I have fixed my financial problem in about a month and a week!!!! Feel so good...

I just got a full offer letter - CoE - from Sibt in Sydney, where I will study in October. Oh you haven't known? Yes the rumors are all true, I am moving to Sydney, fast! So fast that I couldn't catch a normal breath. I will fly in...lemme see...142 hours to Sydney and guess what, I haven't packed anything yet, omg I am so doomed ==" (I hate you Phoenix Wright)

Luckily, accommodation and everything is quite settled (I hope) so I don't really have to worry much once I am in Sydney. Besides, Daryl is there. I don't think he will ignore me although I am pretty sure myself that I can always handle things alone in new places (as I have always been since I was 16, I was in Malaysia all by myself remember?!)...

Speaking of Daryl, there's something going on inside me and I hate it. I think he hates it too... We both hate it!!! I can't tell you what it is but it's the reason we often argue with each other. Usually, I am the one who talks more, since he probably doesn't have much to say. After all, it's damn irritating. Arrrggghhhhhh... Damn!!!! All those questions in my head start with "WHY???", I have so many "Why-" questions that I myself can't answer them.

And FYI, I am having period now. I get mad easily and I always make a big fuss about everything. EVERYTHING, I SAY!!!!!! Grrrrr......

(IHY,D)

Do you believe in "karma"??? I do! I don't know what "karma" I am talking about but I surely know if I did nothing wrong, I deserve happy endings. So watch out you all, don't be niggas/bitches! Cuz one day, you will get what you did to the others... Or worse?!!!

These days, I fill myself with happiness chatting to old friends since primary school and junior high school. A few of them were my ex-es. To be honest, we all are so much different now. Although somewhere in our lines, we all can sense there's something like childish jealousy where we all acknowledge that it's all over and we have been moving on. Like, when one of my ex told me "I love my current gf 10 times more then when I loved you" and I replied him "That's good to hear cuz I love my bf infinite times more then when I loved you", we both felt there's something, something I can't explain. Sorry I don't know where I am heading to with this, but yea, people change, memories stay!

Here is the list of things I would love to eat. I can't sleep without telling myself that I would, one day, eat them soon. They are:

German sausages
German sausages
German sausages
...

Yeaa yeaa I know there's a different name for it, I bet you would call it "Würste" rather than "German sausage" but who cares, they are the same, aren't they? I just wanna smell them, lick them, bite the crunchy skin off, taste the juicy meat, chew them and swallow them all the way down to my little stomach.

Omg, so big!!! Lol, if you know what I mean :D

Oh btw, I have a baby. Do you believe that??? I'll show you a pic :)

"I have cute bums, hee hee"

Look! Isn't she so cute? xD I brought her to one of my Aussie friend's house and we let her crawling around on the bed. Such an adorable baby *cuddle* ^^

What?! You wanna see my baby's face??!! You gotta pay for it and it's not cheap. But you agree with me that she's very cute right?? ^^ Ok, since you all agree that she's cute, I will just let you have a sneak peek, tee hee :D

"I still have no teeth but I love chewing things. Gimme something to chew!!!!"

"Keep your stuffs carefully cuz once it ends up in my cute mouth I won't give it back!!!"

So cute right? Every babies is cute ^^. Okay la, she doesn't look like me a bit, I will confess. She's not my baby. I found her on a mom's blog and she sounds very proud of her baby. Who doesn't? If I have a baby, he/she would be the most precious thing in my life, husband is the least, lalalala hahahahihihihohoho....

Ok that's all for now. Ciao ciao ciao!!!

Rita
xoxo

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Sorry I was kinda busy these days, busy solving criminal cases...

You see, I've been a defense attorney for a few weeks and I have successfully completed approximately 8 cases now. But that's not all, I still have a long, thrilling and exciting way ahead. Most of the prosecutors I've faced are pretty tough so I just gotta put my head in the game.

In case you have no idea what I was mumbling about, it's the "Phoenix Wright - Ace Attorney" game that has been catching most of my attention. Can't stop the addiction!

Anyway, as usual, I am okay.... *long pause* .....Objection!!!! I am not okay, NOT AT ALL!!!

I think I sprained my right arm. I'll spill the beans. I love the pole but I don't know why it keeps hurting me. Yet, I still find myself considering paying 700 bucks for a 45mm X-pole from an adult shop. Very tempting!!! Hmm.... I hate you pole, nah kidding. What can I say?! Love hurts :)

You know what, I just read this article on a Vietnamese website. It listed 4 types of men a woman should have in her life in order to make it wonderful. I do think it's true what the article stated.

To summerize it, the 4 types of men are:

1. A man who you want soooo much but you can't have him at all (it even advised that you shouldn't even try to have him in order to not to spoil the fun)

2. A best male friend from childhood.

3. A gay friend

4. Some one who .... Sorry I forgot, will try to find that article again =.="

But anyway, my point here is nothing but the first type of men - Someone I want to have very much but I can't have him.

For those who never heard of this man (probably because I never told), he's my first crush. It's amazing how time can hardly erase the feeling I've been having towards him since I was a 10 year old little girl. To me, he's not only someone who I feel undeniably very close, mentally ... (and very far, physically) ... he's also someone who sometimes pops into my dreams when I sleep.

I am sorry Daryl. I love you very much. This doesn't mean I stop loving you or I plan to cheat on you (unlike how I talked insanely on the phone =="). The person in me is like a drawer (pffft, sorry I am bad at describing myself), it contains heaps of things that there is hardly anyone can have a look at. In fact, I don't think that person exists.

This post might sound like a sudden and random thing, I don't mind. Indeed, I want it to be just random like that. I feel it would be better that way.

So in the end, I've got his contact info now, after quite a long time looking for it. But maybe that will be just .... that, no more no less. We will maintain our friendship in the purest way we can and he will forever be the man that the-young-girl-in-me love very much. No doubt he is very irresistible to me but bringing him into my life is outta question. Maybe that's part of the fun. Also, he's been in a relationship with one of my old female friends in high school for 3 years. Not that it's the reason for such decision of mine by the way.

Anyway, that's all for now... You read and you forget. Don't think too much!!!

Have a happy week, people!

Rita
xoxo

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Do you know…?

On August 7 , 2009
At 12hr 34 minutes and 56 seconds on the 7th of August this year, the time
and date will be

12:34:56 07/08/09

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
This will never happen in your life again??!!!!
Amaze your friends..... be the first 2 tell them.

That's all for now, I will update soon :)

Rita
xoxo

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