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Recently, I spend most of my time thinking about my personality. I came to a conclusion: "I am a bad girl". However, I must be darn blessed because my good friends still stick with me, my boifriend still loves me, my mom still says: "I'm so proud of you" to me... That is the reason why I type this post, to apologize, to say sorry to those that I have hurt. Last but not least, I want to make me feel relieved. I just don't like feeling guilty.

Let's see how sinful I am:

1) I talk too much.
I usually start the conversation when people don't need me to.... well, not in real life but online!!! I mean I always talk about something when people already know about it and it makes me think that I'm such a dumb girl. Sometimes, it even makes me feel like I'm so kei-po, I'm meddlesome.

2) I always jump into false conclusions.
I hate this habit of mine. I also hate it when people do the same thing to me. I know I should consider things carefully before concluding anything but sometimes my stupid brain just doesn't work that way. I need to be more patient and work thing out the way it should be.

3) I sometimes get jealous too much.
Poor those guys who are my boifriends, I mean, the guy who is my boifriend. I'm sorry if I used to be (or I am) annoying to "you". I really never mean to hurt anyone or suspect any innocent person or torture my own mental health. It's just that I didn't have a lovely childhood memory where there was a father and a mother staying together. It's just that .... gosh, I think I have mental problems!!! I'm so sorry ...

4) I am not a good friend.
I think it's true. I am not as good as how you think about me. I am not that sweet, I am not that cute, I am not that lovely, I am not that great, good, marvelous, wonderful... I am not!!! I am just a dumb girl who loves dancing and singing and swimming and reading books and doing Maths and watching cartoons and being a huge Disney Channel fan and blabling about stuffs that make everyone bored to death and creating trouble to everyone.. Sorry guys ="(

5) I sometimes over react to small issues.
When something ain't any big deal, I make it a big deal, for myself ALONE. Because most of my friends never think it's worth spending time worrying about it. But I do. I'm such an asshole that people can easily trick me and make me angry just in a few seconds. I'm such an asshole that I easily fall for those mean words and start a fight with people who I haven't even seen their faces. I'm such a dumb asshole that right now I feel so bad about myself and want to say sorry.

6) I am nasty to people.
I spent almost 2 hours reading posts on a girl's blog. It made me think about her in a slightly different way. I think she is just normal like other girls I know. But why was I being harsh to her? Why was I being nasty to her? Why did I believe what people (who I trust pretty much) say to me about her? Why did they have to make me think bad about her? Why didn't I get a clearer explanation from a guy who is mentally closest to me? Why am I such an asshole? I may have already lost a chance to make friend with her. To "her": I am sorry...

7) Sometimes I am not satisfied with what I am having.
I know, this is so bad. I am not the type of girl who keeps comparing stuffs but I do feel miserable when some people have better things than me. It's not that I envy. I definitely do not envy. I just feel miserable. For example, I see girls get flowers from their boifriends for special reasons (even though they are miles apart), or when the girls fly to their boifriends' countries, the boifriends go to the airports and fetch them, or even when they fly back to their own countries, the boifriends send them to the airports, or girls who have boifriends who always care about her, who never dump her for any games or any reasons, or girls who have boifriends who like smsing/calling them just to ask them how they are and how they have been doing, etc. etc. and etc. I repeat I do not envy. But honestly, sometimes I feel miserable. I am an asshole. I am really sorry...

... The list goes on ...

I am ready to be dumped by anyone. If you feel like I'm not worth being with after reading this post, go ahead and abandon me. I think I deserve it.

I am so sorry guys...
...forgive me...

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