So I'm finally 21, the age of legally drinking in America, the age where people in Australia consider as being mature. I am an adult now lol

I feel very good these day. I had around 117 wishes on my Facebook wall. I feel more blessed than ever. For many times, I fall into the loneliness of myself. I feel pushed down to the bottom of the bottomless sadness, and I just couldn't escape the feeling, it's really horrible.

Thank you birthday is an important day. A day where one receives wishes and blessings. A day where I once in a while get out of the hard shell and see this beautiful life.

Thank you everyone for passing by and say Happy Birthday to me. It really means a lot, seriously.

Looking back of my 21 years in the past, I found many stuffs I wish I could change. But I guess going back means no meaning. It's only the future I can change, what's coming ahead I can control.

Thank you Jesus the Lord, my Saviour, for giving me strength and overcome obstacles in my life. I know whenever I'm looking to You, I always feel so saved and rescued.

21 years have passed. How many years more to come before I stop breathing, I don't know. But I know I just gotta be the best of me and make the best out of this life.

Thank you all,

xoxo

Rita

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Hey peeps, sorry it's been a while. I've been so busy, even when I already quit my job. *gasp* Did I just say that? Yes I did quit my job. It's a long story, in fact, a very ridiculous one.

Who the hell would think I would leave the place? I need money badly since I have a heavy amount of uni fee to pay, rental, transport, food, clothes, etc. I literally have to pay for EVERYTHING. I'm like an orphan who is struggling so hard to live. What's so bad about calling myself an "ORPHAN" anyway? No one would care. At least my mom wouldn't bothered to think about it.

Sometimes I feel so lonely in this life. I feel like this is a fight between me and life and I'm alone on the battlefield. I can't help finding myself being totally helpless. I really need a hand, a rich hand, which will support me financially and mentally. Heh, what a stupid wish! Who wouldn't want that, right? Everyone loves money. Everyone wants to be supported financially. And who am I to think that there would be a random rich person comes to me and help me? I am no one.


It's not that I'm lazy. Whoever knows me well will definitely know for sure that I am not a lazy bum. I work so hard I feel pity for my feet. I'm running around all day and night, change my whole body clock system and sleep whenever I can to gain energy and come back to work.

But I still decided to leave the place. I could see my dignity was leaving me gradually if I ever stayed there longer. People created stories about me. I couldn't win arguing with them. Yes, them! There were 2 creatures yelling at me. Funny thing was, I was told if I wanted to stay I had to say sorry. I obviously refused and my shifts were cut. So I decided to leave. What's worse, even when I already left, my FB page was print screened and shown to the rest of the place and more stories were told about me, and people actually thought I was immature and childish...

Have you ever looked up to the sky and smiled while thinking "heh, life..."?

I've been so confused, trying to figure out what I could have done in the past in order to deserve what I'm going through. I was told not to worry because of a so-called theory which people keep telling me "if you struggle now, you will have a good life later". Seriously, did Paris Hilton suffer when she was a kid? Well I know there were people like Bill Gates and Henry Ford etc. who started with empty hands. But they have working brains. I might have a brain too but I don't think it's working.

I could be rich later on, or not, who knows! The thing is, no matter how much I complain today, it won't change anything. I will just have to move on. I believe when a door is closed, there would be another one opened for me. I didn't mean to change anything or raise any issue by talking about what happened in the past. I am so over it now and I honestly would feel like puking whenever I think about those creatures back there.

There are reasons why some people can't make it to my present and future. I despise some of them and as I move my heels on ahead, I won't look back. Ever thought I would be regretting for making such decisions? No, that would be a waste of time. I'd rather save that amount of time to shit in the toilet. I move on and I blow it off my shoulders.

Toodles

xoxo

Rita

21st April 2011

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This post was deleted at 5:43pm on the 15th Feb 2011...

No one could understand...

Rita Nguyen

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Has anyone experienced this before? I will list it as a feeling anyone would experience and now it's my turn.

How could I hate someone who has totally no idea about what happened and doesn't deserved to be hated by a no-one like me. I mean, as if anyone would care if I love or hate someone, but still, that person is totally innocent.

This is another post about someone-you-are-not-supposed-to-know, and there are many people like this in my life. So before you try to remember when my last post about someone like this one was, they ain't same person.

I gotta know this cool, smart girl [JUST LIKE HOW A GUY I KNOW SAID ABOUT HER] and we got along pretty well until... no, screw that, we still get along well at the moment. It's just me acting funny because my brain is a stupid person's brain and my heart is a stupid person's heart!

It hurts myself to know something I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN EARLIER from the first time the question was asked, not 2.5 years later!!! It hurts myself even more to know that a friend is involved in here. And yes that friend is the "someone" I'm talking about.

No it actually shouldn't hurt at all. I should be totally happy that a guy who used to like that "someone" now likes me. It means I could be cool and smart too huh? Just like that "someone"..

NO for fucking God's sake, Rita, you just overestimate yourself too much and who do you think you are to think you can be like anyone out there??!!!

Though I am stupid and such, I still have my pride and dignity. And somehow, in a very ridiculous way, they are crashed into pieces, along with my love and my heart!

What should I do when I totally feel powerless and upset?

You can't just erase a relationship

because of the past right?

Why can't I be proud of myself? Nothing I did made me proud! Instead they make me feel ashamed and wonder why all these are happening to me. Who would want to work their ass off in a strip club, deal with drunk assholes, and collect 1 by 1 dollar every night?! Who would want to worry so much about the present and the future while being depressed with the past?! Who would want to keep torturing one's self with their thoughts and stupid feelings?! I know I don't!

Before anyone of you go confused even more than you are right now. I just gotta say, this is a mess, a shame, a pain, a stab in my chest, a way uncontrollably overreacted situation. It shouldn't be like this. I should take it cool and easy!!! But I can't,

because I am not cool!!!

Peace out,
Rita

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These days I got so many things I wanna blog about, but I just can't help saying to myself "nah, I will blog tomorrow" whenever I got the feeling of blogging. Oh well, at least I am here now. Maybe Resident Evil 4 gave me the mood to type again lol. In case you haven't known, I super love zombies!!! I love them because killing them makes me look so damn cool haha...

Anyway, my club just raised the drinks' prices by .50 dollar each drink. And it sucks dicks!!! Like seriously, it brings more profit to the owner but it harms my tips and my dignity dramatically. 50 cents go a long way if you really think about it.

First of all, let me break it down for you, a vodka costs 9 dollars and I usually get 1 dollar as tip. But now, a vodka costs 9.50 dollars and I get only .50 as tip. It basically decreases my tips into half. What is worse is a beer or any drink that used to cost 9.50 now cost 10 dollars, which means no tips for me at all =(

Secondly, most of the customers are so used to the old prices, now whenever I tell them how much their drink cost they stare at me as if I wanna cheat and steal some money from them. A guy even said "Fuck Off" to me. I mean, c'mon dudes, it's only 50 cents, I wouldn't do such cheap tricks to get 50 cents from you man. Even if I would want your money, I would raise it by 5 or 6 dollars. Pffft. I am pissed!!!

Strippers at my club annoy the shit outta me too. Not all of them, but 2 or 3! There must be some of them at my work place I guess, no matter where I go, grr!!! Like, why for the fucking sake of love and peace can't they be nice to me??? What have I done to deserve this??? NONE!!!

Okay. I should stop pissing myself off all over again because of thinking about what happened at work. I got great news!!! I passed everything for year 1, diploma of commerce (professional accounting), and I will move on to year 2 February next year. Hooray =))

Oh and I will be back to Vietnam from mid Jan to mid Feb. I was thinking of flying to Hong Kong to visit my little sis but now the plan's changed. She might be flying back to Vietnam at the same time I'm back, so we can have women reunion =). I can't wait!!!

So..uhm..yea, I guess that's all for now. Will post more when I'm in the mood lol. I'm now in a bigger mood for Enya's music. Gotta relax myself =)

Have a pleasant night,
Rita
xoxo

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Thanks to Ming Yi for sharing this :)

I believe…

that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I believe…

that your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don’t even know you.

I believe…

that even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

I believe…

that credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

I believe…

that the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.

I believe…
that sometimes when I’m angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn’t give me the right to be cruel.

I believe…
that just because someone doesn’t love you the way you want them to doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have.

I believe…
that maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you’ve had and what you’ve learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you’ve celebrated.

I believe…
that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I believe…
that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

I believe…
that our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I believe…
that just because two people argue, it doesn’t mean they don’t love each other. And just because they don’t argue, it doesn’t mean they do.

I believe…
that you shouldn’t be eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever.

I believe…
that it’s taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I believe…
that you should always leave loved ones with loving well wishes. It may be the last time you see them.

I believe…
that you can keep going long after you think you can’t.

I believe…
that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe…
that we don’t have to change friends, if we understand that friends change.

I believe…
that no matter how good a friend is, they’re going to hurt you once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I believe…
that true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I believe…
that you either control your attitude or it controls you.

I believe…
that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, that passion fades and there had better be something else to take its place.

I believe…
that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I believe…
that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I believe…
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe…
that my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I believe…
that sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you’re down, will be the ones who help you get back up.


Source: http://dotconnectorblog.com/wisdom-wall-jimmy-johns/

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i NEED a brain washer + heart washer!!!

I don't wanna remember people whom I shouldn't remember or miss. I don't wanna think of them any more. I don't wanna keep their images in my brain and heart. I wish I never met them. If I could have chosen, I would have chosen to go a different way. I would have chosen to be in a different school. I would have refused when my mom tried to make me enrolling into that school. I would have chosen to be in a different class. I would have done anything I could to stop myself from the eternal pain I am having!!!

How could one be so mean to me while I am so serious and sincere in every way? Someone please help me understand ... Is this supposed to be another lesson in life that I gotta learn by myself???

I feel like being played with, being surrounded, trapped, confused, even used somehow!!! I was born a strong fighter, how could I be so weak now???

This is not me!!! No, it's not!! It must be a miserable soul that was trapped in my body. That boy might be irresistible to you, poor little soul, but to me he ain't that important now that I have analysed everything. So please release me from this pain you are creating to both of us! It's been 11 years, ain't this time the right time to let go off everything in the past???!!!

I'm scared by the thought of being used to satisfy a selfish person's need!!! I'm scared by the thought of people coming to me because they want something from me!!! It's horrible to think about the existence of fake friendliness that people are showing because I can bring some mental or physical benefits to them!!!

Things have turned out to be negative for me at the moment. I'm disgusted by the sudden change in level of closeness that people are sending out to me. They can be so damn easy and they can talk about EVERYTHING to me. Then suddenly, they turn 180 degrees and being cold ass(es). I can't stand that, maybe it's because I AM NOT LIKE THAT!!!

Oh well, what can I say, life is full of surprises. Let's think of each surprise as a gift! I'm thankful for knowing more things than yesterday, no matter what it is that I just discovered! At the end of the day, I will be smiling my most beautiful smile which could shatter anyone's heart. Haha! I think I'm being too positive now I can be paranoid!!!

Sad opening, but happy ending, that's not bad for a post hey?! :)

Toodles,
xoxo
Rita

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It's been so long since I abandoned this blog and I'm making an official come back now. This blog has been so faithfully waiting for me and never complained about anything (cuz it can't lol). As a matter of fact, I'm more active when I'm sad. I don't share many happy moments here but I pour most of my depressing thoughts and stressful feelings all over this blog. Such an emo blogger lol :)

Never mind the previous entry I posted a few days ago, I've been good so far. Just so you know, my schedule is less packed now. I mostly spend my time at a strip club - my work place :D. Earning money is hard, earning lotsa money is even harder. But it's good. I'm literally supporting myself now. My mom is such a lucky woman and I really hope she knows + appreciates that xD

I wanna fill my spare time with dancing classes. But I'm still deciding what style to learn. Hip hop/jazz funk/street dance would be so normal now. I've tried pole dancing. It was great, I absolutely love it, but I don't have a pole at home (yea I know, I've been blabbing about my plan of buying a 50mm x-pole but I'm just too lazy for that now. Besides, there's no room in my room lol, get it?). Plus, even if I am a master at pole dancing, I can't simply take videos and show off right?! The reasons? Well, in case you don't know, pole dancers wear bikini and platform heels (sometimes gogo boots) cuz otherwise, it will be very hard to climb onto the pole and "stick" urself on it.

I know not many people would wanna see me in bikini and heels like Carmen Electra in the pic above =="

Or, I can go back to Karate class!!! Hmm...urrgghhh...pls...NO!!! I'm a lazy bitch for that stuff!!! I'd rather use my pepper spray hahaha!!! Besides, I think Yellow Belt is good enough. Guys, it's just colours, no need to trip over it!!! I'm pretty sure black belts are sold everywhere with affordable price LOL >:D \m/

So yea, basically you can see I'm in a dilemma now, not knowing what to do haha. Suggestions would be great :)

Okay, it looks like my coming-back-post is long enough now *yawn*. I just came back from work, with lotsa thoughts in my head, but I will keep them to myself lol. All I need right now is a good sleep, then hopefully when I wake up, everything will be brighter and I will feel better. I'm always a cool player, no matter what situation I am in :)

Love y'all,
xoxo
Rita

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