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Has anyone experienced this before? I will list it as a feeling anyone would experience and now it's my turn.

How could I hate someone who has totally no idea about what happened and doesn't deserved to be hated by a no-one like me. I mean, as if anyone would care if I love or hate someone, but still, that person is totally innocent.

This is another post about someone-you-are-not-supposed-to-know, and there are many people like this in my life. So before you try to remember when my last post about someone like this one was, they ain't same person.

I gotta know this cool, smart girl [JUST LIKE HOW A GUY I KNOW SAID ABOUT HER] and we got along pretty well until... no, screw that, we still get along well at the moment. It's just me acting funny because my brain is a stupid person's brain and my heart is a stupid person's heart!

It hurts myself to know something I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN EARLIER from the first time the question was asked, not 2.5 years later!!! It hurts myself even more to know that a friend is involved in here. And yes that friend is the "someone" I'm talking about.

No it actually shouldn't hurt at all. I should be totally happy that a guy who used to like that "someone" now likes me. It means I could be cool and smart too huh? Just like that "someone"..

NO for fucking God's sake, Rita, you just overestimate yourself too much and who do you think you are to think you can be like anyone out there??!!!

Though I am stupid and such, I still have my pride and dignity. And somehow, in a very ridiculous way, they are crashed into pieces, along with my love and my heart!

What should I do when I totally feel powerless and upset?

You can't just erase a relationship
because of the past right?

Why can't I be proud of myself? Nothing I did made me proud! Instead they make me feel ashamed and wonder why all these are happening to me. Who would want to work their ass off in a strip club, deal with drunk assholes, and collect 1 by 1 dollar every night?! Who would want to worry so much about the present and the future while being depressed with the past?! Who would want to keep torturing one's self with their thoughts and stupid feelings?! I know I don't!

Before anyone of you go confused even more than you are right now. I just gotta say, this is a mess, a shame, a pain, a stab in my chest, a way uncontrollably overreacted situation. It shouldn't be like this. I should take it cool and easy!!! But I can't,

because I am not cool!!!

Peace out,

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