F.R.I.E.N.D.S!!!!

Things have been pretty hectic these days, and I am being a bit emo also. I'm not gonna drag this for too long because I will need to leave the house soon.

I guess the title of a blog post is very important. I used to think it's a waste of time to think of a title and I ended up simply writing some craps as my posts' titles (eg. Hahahaha, Yay~, Lalalala ==").

Oh and also, I am the type of girl who talks a lot but after a while I always go off topic and end up not knowing what I am talking about and what I actually wanna talk about... (That happens a lot when I call Daryl, sometimes I need him to remind me of my actual topic =___=")

Right, now I guess I'd better look at the title again and remind myself of the purpose of this post because I have the feeling that I am going off topic soon.

As you can see, the title is "F.R.I.E.N.D.S". Obviously it will be about my friends, specifically my friends in Brisbane (only Brisbane, not the whole Australia). If you want more specific details, they are my friends in IES!!!! Not outside of IES....

Basically, it seems like I have many friends, really many many many friends, because I say "Hi" like hundreds of times a day (not to the same people, all are different people in my campus). I like making friends and I don't think it's bad. I am, in fact, a social girl. But at some stages, I feel lonely, deeply lonely. Because

I have NO ONE to be called my TRUE FRIEND!!!

Let me be honest, I'm gonna spread my mind today because I don't like keeping sad things in my heart and my head. Generally, people who I call friends here are just friends, normal friends. I used to feel like I have found a few close friends here. And I went to them, spent hours talking to them, told them most of my secrets and felt extremely happy when I had classes with them because their appearances made my heart felt so warm.. That's how I am and how I behave. Close friends are important to me!!!

But lately, I found the reality that has always been there but I was too blind to see. All these whiles I always thought that they were my close friends, but actually they were not that close to me. I realised I am just an extremely normal girl who still cannot find a close friend among the jungle of people in this school. If anyone in this school ask me to call them "Best friends", I dare not. They are my friends [full stop]

Surprisingly, I have a few good friends outside (they are not in IES). And most of them are Australian, one is French. Sometimes, it really moves me to tears when I think that people who are Asian, just like me, don't treat me as well as people who are totally different from me.

I chat with Daryl's cousin, Janice, last night and she said it took a long time to find true friends. I went to her birthday party last year and gosh, she had really many friends. But she said she only had a few close friends among them. At least that's better than me who have really many friends but none is close friend. Again, what can I expect when I've only been here for 6 months??!!!

Remember when I was 11 or 12, when I was in form 1, new school, new friends, everything was so new to me. I was not a social person at that time. I started making friends with only 1 girl and stayed in that way for a long time until I felt used to the school. Can you believe that she is still my best friends now??? We have been through LOTS and LOTS of things together. Our friendship is really strong that I doubt if anything can break it...

When I compare, I find that being not social can bring me close friends, whereas being too social will bring me no close friend. You don't think so? Let me compare again..

When I was in form 4, in SSG, everything was new to me, again. I .... ah ... actually he came to me first and his name is P. For almost one month, I didn't make friends with anyone else and he eventually became my good friends. Or maybe that's because he was a new student too so it's easy for us to become good friends. Let's not mention about love and other stuffs because in real life, the story is not that simple. What I am trying to say is P. is still my close friend.

(Well of course, gradually I have many other close friends in SSG... I miss you guys A LOT!!!)

Yesterday I said to Amisha :"I wanna finish my foundation year as fast as possible" and she replied :"Yea me too, foundation year is like school and I am sick of going to school". Actually my point was not about going to school and how I am sick of it, but that doesn't mean I don't feel the same way, I agree with Amisha's point. Uni is much better, although more work to do, but still, hopefully it's better. Back to my point, the way I feel about friends here is totally wrong!!!

I don't wanna be like this, I don't wanna have this kind of feeling, I don't wanna have time to sit down and start thinking about how good or close my friends here are, and then in the end it can only bring me sadness and loneliness... That's why I need more work, I need to spend more time doing something else, I don't wanna rest!!!

People, have you ever had this same feeling????

Rita
11th March 2009

P/S: Oh I almost forgot, I am gonna fly to Sydney this weekend to visit Daryl. That's the only thing that can keep me happy and eager in this week. Anything you wanna pass on to him???? =)

Pp/S: Do you think that it's bad when I keep coming to him??? I mean normally it's the guy who does the communication and contact part, normally it's the guy who follows the girl, etc. But in my situation, it looks like we are doing the opposite ==". Do I look "cheap" now???

Ppp/S: Forget about it!!!! It can only make me feel sad, I need happiness, not sadness!!!!!

Pppp/S: Read my P/S again!!!!! =)