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You are my first biggest crush! You have been in my heart for 11 years! How to forget you now when your image takes such a huge space in my heart?


I never knew you liked me too, back then when we were kids. I always thought you are the ONLY boy I liked but never liked me back. Now I know the truth, I am in bigger pain than ever. I wish I never knew your feeling towards me. It only makes the scar grow bigger!!!

We have our own lives now. There's nothing we can do or want to do. I'm sure you're satisfied with what you're having and you won't throw everything away to be with me. I would do the same thing. Life goes on, we move on! I am still carrying your image in my heart!

If someone knows exactly how deeply sad I am right now, that would be ME only. Maybe I owed you something really big last life, this life I have to pay back!

Sad songs don't help me overcome my sadness, they stir my feelings up and leave me high and dry with a huge mess of questions, regrets, tears, hopelessness... I really miss you!!!

It's funny how cruel the reality is! Maybe that adds a little taste to life? Being together ain't always good things. Maybe being how we are right now is the thrill of living. To me, it's more like painful thrill. But it's okay, I have been accepting it for 11 years, another 80 years (hope I can live till 100 years old) won't hurt anyone, especially me. No matter how big the pain I am in, I am assumed to be okay after all. As long as no one is hurt, me being hurt won't bother you!

Because...

Who am I actually? I am in fact a very small part of your life. Suddenly you added some slight importance to my position by saying you liked me too. But still, I am not that important afterward. When you already stopped thinking of me and moved on with your life, you're still on my mind, I still tried to look for you. Come to think of it, I loved you, but what you felt about me was just a childish feeling which could evaporate in a few hours.

I should stop loving you! I shouldn't be sad by just a thought about you! You're right when you make it sound like you're a huge part of my life, that I always miss you and wanna chat with you. I don't deny it but I will try my best, best of my best, even when it takes 10 or 20 years, to stop loving you! Don't laugh at me when I say I miss you, because while saying so, I am also trying to set everything in me come back to normal, just like when I haven't met you.

I love you for being who you are! But I hate you for being so mean to me!

xoxo
Rita

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